I have a violent nature that has made it's presence known even as a small child. As I grow older my thoughts circle more and more around severely hurting people(All males). I am now very close to acting on one of my thoughts. I know I could get away as well, I am very intelligent in all aspects. I have studied serial killers extensively and I know to continue these acts if I wish. I'm calm rational and logical whenever my thoughts stray to violence, there is no excitement or anxiousness. How do I keep my thoughts under control?
Well then writing here was a great first step, wasn’t it? If you are as rational and as logical as you say you are, then surely you know that digital forensics has come a long way, ergo, leaving a message like this on an internet forum could make it easy for experts to track you down should the need arise. Also, I see you are using gmail, which is purportedly more difficult to trace. It may be difficult but you shouldn’t assume that it’s impossible and that’s the point. If you’re serious, then you have made an error mentioning this online. If you truly are having problems keeping your murderous thoughts under control while simultaneously being rational and calm (which seems a bit contradictory in my view), use the threat of immanent imprisonment to corral your thinking and your behavior. Remind yourself that you have made a homicide detective’s job that much easier should you act on your impulses.
But as I mentioned, out of control thinking doesn’t usually go hand in hand with “calm, rational and logical”. Something does not quite add up.
Catalyst: In your story I dont read anywhere WHY you would want to keep your urges under control? What is keeping you if you have no problem with murder morally and you dont expect to be caught either ( which I think is a foolish gamble but thats not the point)?