ok im 24 come from a devorced family one of them was a addict, wow this will be a first for me letting it all hang out after reading a few enties and other forum, its making me fill a little uneasy. well here it goes im 24 and im afraid the way its going by 30 i going to be dead or in prison, ok well since i was a kid ive done things that most poeple would NEVER THING OF DOING without a cause, i belive i was also beatin by my father many times for the things ive done ive never seen a phyc, i might now like one example i was 7 and my dad was at a stereo shop and there was a brand new truck there for no reason at all i opened the door of the truck realeased the parking brake and it went rolling down the hill crashing into 4 parked cars when i was asked why i did it i said i didnt evan remember pulling the brake realease, another example a kid made fun of me when i was 10 for quite some time one day i came to school and i picked up a 10 pound or more rock and threw it at his back i could of killed him expelled and they asked me why i did it i said i wanted him to die so lets move on to later years im a person that you would just say its just some timid quiet guy over the years ive noticed im very antisocial yet i crave to have friends and when i do get friends i seemed to alway manipulated them into doing bad things that wind up hurting them i dont want to do it but i seem to wind up hurting everyone i love around me, my mom suffered from a minor heart attack shes fine but i was leaving with here and she asked " what would i do if i died today" i said ive got places i can go" i didnt say omg i hope you dont die i just said i got places i could stay, i have horrible anger issues i keep my anger bottled on a single object i think this is the fact i was robbed when i was 20 of all my posessions in my house from my dad drug addicted fiends, i went temporary blind for a day and pinned my ex roomate with a tuck in the garage wall needless to say i went to jail from that episode, another anger issue was a truck backed into my car when i was driving by my freind takled me before i was able to hit the poor man with a 45lb pipe bender and my friend told me i said when i got out of the car i told the other driver your a "dead man" luckly before i was able to get to him i was takled, when he asked me why the hell i did it i told him all i rememberd was the truck hitting us and then the conbversation we were having no by the only friend i still have to this date I smoke marajuana to control my anger and depressed emotions ive been having for the last couple of years i know this is not solving anything buts its the only thing i have that mellows me but lets get on to the last two months, i have been sleeping very little 1-2 hrs a night i constanly toss and turn ive been geting these burst of heat waves threwout me and have been stuttering alot latly, sadly (you may hate me for this i hate my self for this ) i drowned a animal for constatly being loud but the scary thing was i felt very happy and good while i was doing this, i know i need serius help but im afraid to be locked up in a ward but i want to be a normal person i dont want to do the things i do but half the time when it happens its like auto mode but if i keep sleeping - hours a day i fill im going to snapp just before i decided to get on my comp and write i was having a complete conversation with myself i all of sudden noticed that i was doing this and just felt horrible about my self so this is a little bit of whats i guess is seriusly wrong with me
Obviously the things you did don't sound good or normal in my perspective, but you didn't ask for my perspective nor is that the point. What I miss in your story is what your exact question is. What bothers you or worries you. Is there anything you would like to fix or change or what ideas do you have about it.