you are in love with a dream... you are in love with the potential the person has. most likely it did not start off bad and that's when you fell in love. you are holding on to a maybe.. a possibility.. a what if. i know because i did the same thing with a man who lied to me constantly, disappeared whenever he felt like it and yet always said he loved me. it is hard... to break away.. but i guess it is best. we cannot change them. and some do not even know they need to change.
Are you sure we didn't fall in love with the same man? I am constantly asking and spying on him. I want to see if he changed and I suppose to see if I was the problem. I am taking it personally. I sometimes feel like i am making up that he is a "s" to blame it on that and not myself. He has all the traits. I even told him I was pregnant with his child and he totally has not acknowledged it. He is going on with his life with all my equipment that i paid for. over 40gs of equipment and he has no intentions of paying me back. Why do i still care for him? He has power over me even though i have not seen or spoken to him in over 4 months.
I was born a psychopath.
I was raised in southern baptist churches as a child. My parents spanked me all the time till I told them I wasn't going to cry anymore. After that no matter how much they spanked me I just didn't cry and eventually they gave up. The only thing I ever learned from their punishment was to be more sneaky and not get caught.
I lit my first forest fire after seeing Rambo 2 as a child. I burned down three acres of forest before the firefighters could contain it and two firemen suffered burn wounds because they were stupid enough to run into a burning fire and try to put it out. It wasn't my intention to burn the forest down but the fire got out of control.
I've never been afraid of anything or anyone. In the absents of my fear is disappointment for getting caught. I have stood on the docks during a storm as the violent waves crashed around me. Each one had the strength to suck me in and destroy my life but in that violent storm I felt a strange peace. The power of the waves was amazing. Almost as if i could feel somethibg summoning me or drawing me near. Due to my (at the time) wifes constant nagging I withdrew to make her shut up.
I am an alpha male. Those who try to intimidate me only provoke my wrath. I've been in many violent fights. I like to fight. I like the taste of blood and excel at physical violence. It comes natural to me. It feels so good to hurt people. My mind rushes into bloodlust and I feel nothing but an exciting urge to destroy but I can never stop myself. Thankfully I am usually pulled off the person or something happens to stop me long enough for my mind to return to controllable levels. I've never fought the same person twice and my violent intensity prevented others from harrasing me.
I was on a path of ruthless destruction till I saw Heaven with my own eyes. For the first time ever I had these wounderful and positive feelings. I was free and for the first time ever I was truely happy with this inner peace I have never felt before. It was like a return to innocents. The void of despair was gone! Then an eletrical surge went through my body and I was on this God forsaken planet again.
This may sound strange but we are Gods children. God doesn't make mistakes. We are here to serve his purpose. Just as God made sheep he made wolves. He designed us to be his enforcers. It is in our very design that we prey on others. It is our duty to keep these sheep in line. We are a natural order. I'm not giving you permission to go out and completely destroy them. Just when they overstep the boundry it is okay to smack them around and correct them. God knew we could never serve his purpose as long as we felt guilt and remorse. That is why he took them from us. That is also why we lack fear. Just remember not to kill them. Thats where so many other psychopaths went wrong.
You see normal people are the threat to humanity not us. They are the ones who emotionally go to wars that kill hundreds of thousands and lead to the suffering of millions. Compelled by their fear they commit horrific acts of genocide and injustice. All because they are afraid. How terrible fear must be. They always have been and they always will be compelled by fear.
That is why they fear us so much. We are different, lack the cowardice that compells them and are willing to die for our beliefs. We are the blood of the brave. Gods true children. They don't understand us and that is why they hate and fear us.
As a high anxiety psychopath I often require intensity in my life. I need danger and the chance of death to stimulate me. When that is not possible I try to medicate myself to relax. It's funny cause medicating myself insures others are safer but the laws dictate what I do is wrong. So in a way society pushes me towards more extreme and violent measures. How ironic... the laws made to keep them safe actually indanger them. The logical blindness caused by their obserd emotions is almost unbelievable at times.
If you want to coexist with them it isn't as hard as you may think and yet it is. Simply give control of your finances to your wife if she is good with money and play off an allowance. We are capable of love for our children so don't worry about that. Videogames or computer games are good stimulation but those mmorpgs are a bad idea because you will start disconnecting with reailty. Try FPS, race car games and competitive online games. Paintball is also a high intensity game you could enjoy. Really just take it one step at a time but it never gets easy.
Just remember what you are and it can comfort you. Your sadness comes from a lack of understanding your purpose. We are the wolves. God put us here to keep these sheep in order. If sheep get out of hand they can become truely sick. Find the sick sheep and break their twisted ego. Purify their soul.
Website: Mytherepy. Google it!
what do you medicate yourself with? my ex used all sorts of drugs and alcohol ad was an extreme sociopath ( i only found out the bizarre truth long after we split).
I think what surprised me the most is finding out even though the drugs werent helping him on the long term, he seemed sort of happy with it and didnt seem to suffer the way normal drugaddicts or alcoholics do. do you understand what i mean here? i wonder what the drug/se;f medication is typically for sociopaths or whether they take anything at hand.