Dr. Robert
I'm here seeking some assistance and advice. I recently got out of a 2 year relationship. We are both young (me 25, her 21), healthy and drug free, had a healthy sex life, and for the most part got along pretty well. Throughout the course of the relationship we had started having problems, the smallest came in the form of jeleousy and the largest had to do with family. You see I was raised in a family that was very close and always together where in turn she wasn't. She believed that a family should only consist of me and her, and family members were only a holiday thing. With time, I started distancing myself from my close frieds because she did not feel comfortable with them. Some were female friends that I had known over 10 years and she felt nothing but jeleousy towards them. All my close friends are great, caring, and giving people. Some of my closest friends are teachers, technicians, and engineers, no bad influence whatsoever. Eventually things got even worse, she wanted me to start distancing myself from my family. Which I never understood why, when I loved spending time with hers and often looked forward to seeing them. It came to where me even mentioning my family was an all day argument. She and I lived together, I took on the responsibilites of rent and bills and she would help out with food and any little extras that may have come up. We both made decent money and managed it pretty well. Our relationship in the last year was off and on constantly. Throught the course of the relationship there were times that I would see my mother struggling financially and would willingly give her help, or assisted with small errands she needed. My girlfriend didnt like that one bit and things just kept getting worse. It soon got to where she even threatened me by saying "either me or your family". I'm the oldest of 4 from a single mother, so its safe to say that I matured prematurely, meaning that I took on the father figure role very young. I love my family Dr. Robert, but she could never accept it and little by little it drove us to finally break up. Today we have been broken up for a little over 3 months. Throughout those 3 months we would communicate from time to time, some days seeing progress and others going totally the opposite way. I cared about her very much Dr. Robert, I was good to her and all I wanted was to make her realize that that was who I was, a caring and giving person. Her words came as "mommas boy". All I wanted was to be with her and she kept insisting on the same thing, "limit your family if you want to be with me." She always had terrible mood swings and two weeks ago she probably had her worst one. She called me every horrible name in the book, she blamed me for all our problems, all her financial problems and for her being alone. In general she really hurt my feelings. That was the day I said enough. I could not do this anymore so I made the decision to put a stop to it. I cared about her yes, but I was not at fault Dr. Robert. I cancelled my phone number, changed my email address and closed any and all forms of possible communication. Here is where the problem stands, all I realized with this time that we have been apart is that I might have loved her and was making myself out to believe that I loved her more than I really did. Yes, I care about her and have feelings for her but she lost all respect for me. I'm here heartbroken trying to make it through the day and the last few times we communicated she is there telling me that she is making new friends and going out more frequently, when with me she was never interested in going anywhere. Now, I cant stop my mind from wondering everywhere, I wonder what she is doing, if she is ok, if she's with someone already, were these 2 years a waste of time, is she still cares for me..etc. Sometimes the temptation becomes so overwhelming that I sometimes log into her accounts (credit card, shopping sites, myspace..etc) and really do nothing. I dont look through them I sometimes change the password to jibberish so that she can change it to something else later. I dont do it to snoop but to keep myself away, to convince myself that I cant go in them anymore. Dr. Robert, I want to leave her behind, I dont want to talk to her because there is really nothing else to say, I know that there is a better brighter future ahead for me, and certainly a better partner for me too. But I have not been able to move on past it. My mind is a machine working overtime right now and I have no way of shutting it down. I want to stop wondering about her and being curious about her. I have sent her blessings and wished her the best many times in my prayers but I cant seem to put it all behind me and move on. Please advice me Dr. Robert, I really want to find a new life where I'm not weighed down but the past anymore.