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Have i been sexually abused

when i was in grade 11 my dad kept touching my armpits so i told him to stop and he seemed a bit angry at me but he stopped. my sister has also told me that my dad seemed perverted many times, he seemed to be looking at her breasts and he fondled her tummy.. also he sometimes told me to come to him and whenever i did he would hug me in a way that didn't make me feel good, and he'd seem amused whenever i didn't want to come to him. also, sometimes he told me to suck on his nipples out of the blue, in a joking tone.
but my mom keeps saying that he just considers my sister and me kids, that was why he acted the way he did. my mom almost always seems to take my dad's side.
in grade 12 i got rejected by a guy i really liked, and then i started to act very slutty and exhibitionistic, saying sexual things in public and feeling little shame.
a few months ago, i told my male cousin about some of my dad's behaviors because i trusted my cousin and thought he had better morals than me. my cousin was also on my dad's side. but some days later my cousin and i went snowboarding and we were on the conveyer belt. i was standing on the conveyer belt in a wrong way and was about to fall. at that time my cousin touched my genital area, pretending that it was by accident. at first i thought it was by accident, but the more i thought about it the more i thought it was on purpose. my cousin kept treating me disrespectfully afterwards, which gradually made me feel certain that he touched me that time on purpose. i feel really bad and dirty. i can't trust men. in my life they only seemed to play with me, treating me like a sexual object, but almost none of them seemed to really like me, as they never asked me out or seemed to really care about me. i understand if no guy is asking me out, but why do they have to touch me or treat me like some object?

Re: Have i been sexually abused

I think you have been. I'm sure Dr. Robert could suggest what kind of therapy would best suit you (psychotherapy?) but try to remind yourself that your experiences with men are in no way indications of what all or even most men are actually like.

Re: Have i been sexually abused

thanks for the reply. i talked to a psychiatrist a year ago about my dad, she said the same thing about how my experiences with men don't represent how most men are like. but i'm 19 and i've never known a guy who i trusted who lived up to my trust. i really trusted my cousin and thought he was morally superior to me, but look what he did. sometimes men with girlfriends or wives took interest in me and these experiences further confirmed my belief that most men are perverted, and sometimes i think it's really hopeless because maybe they're extremely biologically wired to be that way.. also i read things like how the number one reason men divorce their wives is because the wives are barren, or how men are most likely to cheat on their wives when they're pregnant. it's based on statistics and facts.. also i learn in psychology how people decide whom to date mainly based on appearance, etc. i know that good-looking people get more dates, and that thin women are more likely to get married, and smart women are less likely to get married. all those research findings combined with my experience point to the conclusion that most men are biologically wired to be selfish (and probably most women as well). i'm probably selfish too even though i tried not to be. my sister used to say too that there are many great guys, but she recently got hurt by a guy she thought was very ethical. he turned out to be a jerk. i knew it from the very BEGINNING. I TOLD HER NOT TO SEND HIM ANY E-MAIL BUT MY STUPID PERVERTED COUSIN told her to send him an e-mail so she did, and now the guy is telling everyone how much she likes him, because of that one e-mail. The same thing happened to me in grade 12. how sad. that's life. i understand that this comment sounds really rude, but i didn't used to be this rude. i think i have a psychological problem. i love being rude these days.

Re: Have i been sexually abused

You raise points that can't be argued with and are facts of life. I struggle with similar issues to that. The fact is, however that yes: men are biologically prone to cheat on you, especially sexually. However, if a woman can stand her ground and maintain confidence- especially in a culture like ours where so many girls' self-esteems are beaten down, the guy will have a lot of respect for her, and in turn be intrigued by her, and stay around much longer, if not indefinitely. Showing self respect will make you the main woman in his fantasies as opposed to the girls who are sexual objects(by showing no respect for their bodies through being overly eager for superficial attention) and really only serve as cheap(read: quick&easy) thrills. If he has to work to have you (I'm not talking about playing games), you will have more worth in his mind.

Re: Have i been sexually abused

Dear Private, First thing you need to learn in your young life is to firmly tell people what you do NOT approve of. If anyone (including your Dad) doesn't respect your wishes, do not let anyone get away with BAD behavior that disrespects your space (aka boundaries). That includes anyone (male or female). Most people will respect your boundaries. If not. Most likely they have a personality disorder (e.g. Narcissism for instance). Narcissistic personalities take advantage of most people so be on your guard with said personality. If your Dad continues his bad behavior, either try to have a civilized conversation with him about his behavior NOT being acceptable to you. If he ignores your concerns, bring up the topic with your Mom. If your Mom ignores your concern, ensure that you speak with someone in authority or if you attend church, speak with someone of authority there. They will be able to advise you further (e.g. contact law enforcement).

Good luck. Hopefully, the authority figure in your church will have a talk with your parents.

Re: Have i been sexually abused

i think it's unfair that when a man gets "cheap and easy" thrills, the women are condemned and not the man. also, mostly it's men who want "cheap and easy" thrills, not women. women get conflicting messages.

Re: Have i been sexually abused

Doctor Robert wrote about this kind of thing on his website. Part of what he wrote was this:

Begin to treat your father like the creep he is, and do not mince words; tell it like it is. In other words, do not suffer silently--confront him. If he stares at your breasts, ask him why he is staring at your breasts. If he denies it, do not accept that lie. Tell him that you have seen him staring, do not like it, and will not put up with it. If he touches you in a way that does not feel proper, tell him so, and demand that he stop immediately. If you embarrass him, so much the better. Take the initiative. Put him in his place. Come to your full strength as a grown woman; you are not a child! No woman, daughter or not, should allow herself to be misused by any man--not even a little bit. Do not concern yourself with the outcome of any showdown. Just do it! As long as you stick to what you feel and know, as long as you speak your truth and refuse to accept false denials, you will win all of the psychic skirmishes, even if he continues to deny.

If you want to read the whole thing, you can find it here:

If you follow Doctor Robert's advice not to allow yourself to be misused by any man, you will probably have better luck in finding a man who will respect you.

Re: Have i been sexually abused

Dr. Saltzman, will you please delete this post?

Re: Have i been sexually abused

Dr.Saltzman, delete my posts. The women who replied to my question were missing the point. Is it MY fault that my cousin suddenly touched me from behind? Is it MY fault that my dad suddenly touched my armpits without asking me? Also, i was exaggerating when i said no guy asked me out. Some guys did, but i turned them down. and i didn't make myself clear when i said i acted really slutty. I meant i liked to tease guys with sexual talk and watch them get aroused, but i would never actually do "it" with them. Anyway, I think you're a psychopath. I agree with Wini and Jere. I know you deleted other people's posts because their contents were religious. I LOVE JESUS. okay, this post is religious. So delete my posts along with my original question please. Why are you not deleting my posts? This is turning out to be an absolute monarchy, not a forum. You're deleting whatever posts you want to delete and not deleting posts that the original writer wants deleted. If i had known about this i wouldn't have written in your forum.