| Subject: |
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my ACON intro part two |
| Name: |
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Nicky |
| Date Posted: |
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Jan 19, 05 - 11:50 AM |
| Email: |
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NickySkye@hotmail.com |
| Message: |
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When I was 8 years old the xmomster gave me her dexadrine to
be 'thin' as she was ashamed about her own mild plumpness. I was a dexadrine addict until I was 16, when I kicked cold turkey. I have never used addictive or recreational drugs again after that except
for the once in a blue moon (maybe once every other year in India) puff on a friend's joint, which usually sent me right to sleep, lol.
I was an alcoholic for 2 years when I was 19 and 20, a quart of Johnny Walker every day. Drank alone, didn't get drunk, it was a way to zone out of my day and I suppose, saying that, it was a kind of dissociation and without fun. Once I left my loving but alcoholic
self-absorbed boyfriend I didn't drink for 8 years and then fell in love with a married alcoholic, who wanted me to be his drinking companion/lover. As I lost my integrity in this affair I drank that year. When I broke up with this man I never drank again but right
after become involved with the most malignant, dangerous xNbf of my adult life, a hash-addict, sexaholic fashion designer with whom I lived in India for 4 years.
It was this xNbf’s Nabuse that prompted me to think something was seriously wrong with myself for choosing and staying in all these bad relationships with Nabusive, addicted or self-centered men over 20
years. I read the book Women who Love Too Much and knew then I had a dysfunctional family background, needed therapy. That amazed me that simply having removed myself from the childhood abuse wasn't enough,
there was this whole recovery thing I needed to do. I left India (6 years in the mountains and 4 years in the fashion biz in New Delhi and returned to NYC to go to recovery meetings and therapy.
For the last 18 years I've been a NYC streetvendor. That's how I make my living. I have no college degrees but I did publish a couple of books when I was 18 and 19. The problem was that the xmomster is a writer and I felt any writing I did would be co-opted by her, for her aggrandizement and any career or job I took she would invade, as she did my brother and sister. In fact in 1997 she took 20 years of my letters to her and used them, all my private information, twisted it
into a monstrous distortion, packed this weirdness full of lies and published it, trashing me publicly.
Being a streetvendor was something she couldn't take away from me or invade trash or take credit for. I realize it sounds like a bizarre work choice but it has actually been a wonderful job, something I
love and have loved all these years. Now, at this point, I'm 51 and would like to take the information I learned about Nism and this recovery and possibly use that to help others, while making a living.
Since I have no degree, I'm not sure this is possible. But maybe I could write something, I don't know. Making a website and forums for ACONs requires no degree, is free and serves to help others.
So that's where I am today. I have loving and good friends in my life and want to expand that. I would like to create more prosperity in my life, achieve better physical health and fulfill myself creatively.
My intention for sharing the above personal history is that it will inspire others to share their own and in getting to know each other we can heal together in a mutually supportive way.
Love,
Nicky |
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